Dead, and loving it!
Small update as I didn't feel this reflected the true Smee
Full Name (Not oft used): Arthur Grimes
In-Game Name: Smee
Age: 79 (died at the age of 31)
Guild: Last Stand
Race: Former human, now one of the Forsaken
Hair: A few strands left, green from the coffin mould.
Eyes: Missing, presumed eaten during his chronic case of being dead. A small worm nicknamed “Swab” living in the inner lining of the right socket.
Face: Broken jaw during his final hours of life continues to plague him during death. Prefers a full face mask during battle to stop him catching bugs whilst running.
Body: Like all undead, he has a problem with keeping the flesh attached to his skeleton, and has lost a lot over the years particularly around the joints. He has tried many remedies both medical and engineered to remedy this, resulting once in being unable to move for three days from tarring his joints and sticking flesh onto them. Being as this was outside Orgrimmar’s most popular Inn, he was used as a coat rack, albeit a swearing cursing one. His general posture is like that of a wolf, always ready to pounce, his jaws slavering as he tastes the flesh as yet unbitten, and always aware of the shadows hiding competitors for the kill. This is of course when he is not drunk, in which case his general posture is that of a dead kodo.
Garments/Armour: In safer areas, if such places could be found in Azeroth or the Outlands, Smee can generally be found relaxing (drinking) in the garb he washed up in, the pirate’s hat affixed atop his head, shirt and big boots for the kickin’ and the stompin’. Otherwise you find him dressed in an assortment of ill-matched items, torn and blood-stained from an eternity of fightin’, with a traditional pair of giant swords, glowing with the hoodoo as he calls it.
Alignment: Neutral Evil – Smee is a mercenary, a criminal, and has no allegiance except to gold. His services and loyalty go to the highest bidder. He has no qualms about assassination, extortion or theft, in fact, he lists them as hobbies. He can be quite loyal, especially if you have enough gold to keep his interest, or he sees opportunities for gain where you wish him to go.
Personality: Smee is as you would expect any pirate to be, ill-spoken, ill-educated, bloodthirsty and always looking for the next big chest filled with shiny gold. He is never the man in command, for that requires responsibility and showing your face, and will forever be the first mate, he who gets things done. He has however had the full training of the Undercity’s Deathstalkers, and can be surprisingly efficient in carrying out a wide variety of illicit tasks despite his demeanour. It is almost as if the pirate emphasises his flaws to make him appear less of a threat. It can be said however, that Smee’s tenacity and single-minded viciousness is the stuff of legend however. It is rumoured that if you wanted to truly get rid of Smee permanently, you’d have to kill him, quarter him and bury him in four different places quite far away from each other, and even then you’d have to keep weapons away from the burial spots.
Treasures: Gold, other people’s gold, big chests of gold, jewels, jewels and gold. However deep down, he is and always will be part of a crew, and the guild of Last Stand have offered him this, to stand with them in pursuit of justice, freedom, and most important of all, gold.
Likes: Gordok Grog, fighting, breakin’ gnome legs, intimidation, Rumsey Rum Black Label, breaking legs, poking wounds, kicking people when they’re down, playing with Tonks at the Darkmoon faire whilst drunk, stealing, drinking, stealing while drinking, drinking while stealing, and steamy romance novels.
Dislikes: Morality, the Light, obstinate and stubborn people unwilling to give up gold and information, stubborn locks, and paladins in general.
Activities and Current Affairs
Occupation: Pirate, thief, mugger, you name it, Smee will do it if he gets the opportunity. Generally, an all round bad egg. He’s intent on grabbing anything not nailed down, and that’s only if he’s forgotten his crowbar. Also uses his education and nefarious Goblin-trained Engineering skills to further his own ends. Rumoured to be linked to various criminal gangs and nefarious groups, but he prefers to freelance. He also has a number of associates with similar leanings, Mr Decarus and Sir Ventos to name but a few. He has been also seen skulking around the streets of enemy cities with a woman known only as Jhess, but this is a damned rumour and no, the Smoking Blade Tavern was not slaughtered to a man by the two of them. Damned dirty lies!
Eyewitnesses recently reported seeing Smee chased by a number of his fellow guildmates as he ran out of Gruul’s Lair screaming “Gruul’s treasure is mine! ALL MINE! YARRRR!”, but was tempted back by a wise troll shaman holding a large bottle of Rumsey Rum Black Label for just such an occasion. Smee commented on this event so: “Hey, what you sayin’? Are you startin’ summat ye swab? I’ll face your carve in!” and promptly hit the floor.
Stories and Gossip
The Passing of Mr Grimes A story of how Smee came to be he. He that is Smee. Which is me.
The Curse of the Ogre Loincloth A fearful tale of the ogre loincloth's effects.